"I am ashamed of not having retained my blows": we attended an internship for violent spouses

For three days, men condemned for domestic violence tackle the concepts of gender equality, the cycles of violence and their consequences on the victims as well as on children.A step on the path often long of awareness, hope for probation and insertion services.

"Anyway, it is always the one who files a complaint first who is right," groms a probationary in the back of the room."Sometimes there is a fight between the man and the woman, and the man does not file a complaint, even if he has had lesions," launches another man, approved of a headlong by hisneighbors.Spirits heat up."Anyway, at the police station, they refuse to take our complaint," said another."For me, we should be two here!"

The worker comes to the questions of Cyber-Violence and Cyber-Control."It is for example the fact of asking your partner to read his SMS, to consult his history history," explains Élisabeth, lawyer in the Information Center on the Rights of Women and Families (CIDFF) of theEssonne."Even if it was you who offered him the phone, you don't have to read his messages!""Yeah, finally in general, it is rather the woman who takes the phone at night to read the SMS", replies, gogginal, a young man in black tracksuits, causing the laughter of the audience.

"Sometimes your wife does not answer because she is driving, wherever she heard her phone ...", continues the lawyer."Or because she's with a more beautiful guy!" Laughs the same probationer.

Superreptitiously, the conversation slips into the field of jealousy."Sometimes we are jealous because we don't have self -confidence," says someone."The important thing is to talk about it within the couple," adds another."But is it not to talk about it as much to take the risk that it degenerates?"wonders a seven -year -old mustache with a stripping skull.

"It is not a weakness to say that you are jealous," said one of the two speakers."And then if someone wants to deceive you, he will deceive you."The response fuse, from TAC to TAC."Yeah, and women are very strong for that".

Many minimize the facts

Before this workshop, which intervenes on the last day of the internship, the probationers also worked on representations and gender equality, on the cycles of domestic violence, its consequences on the victims, but also on children, in particular in utero(Spontaneous abortion, premature delivery, small birth weight, small cranial perimeter).

"Our goal is to make people think about the mechanisms that have led to act, explain the difference between conflict and domestic violence," summarizes Sabine Vadez, director of CIDFF in Essonne.Arriving here, she observes, many men minimize the facts for which they were condemned.They split by invoking alcohol, or their partner who would have caused them.

How to choose a bank that’s right for you https://t.co/dhwgeyqmt7 via @monecrashers

— Julie Taner Sun Jan 24 21:18:52 +0000 2021

"They are not all at the same level of reflection," adds Stéphanie Pellegrini, director of antenna in Courcouronnes at the Spip de l'Essonne."The idea of the group is to mix the profiles, so that they feel less alone and be confronted with other realities, other forms of violence".And even if, in three days, some do not say a word, "it is not because they do not speak that they have not listened to", according to Sabine Vadez.It is sometimes on them that the internship has the most impact.

"It wakes up good things in us"

Curomed brown hair, little goat, thick khaki jacket, Guillaume* believes in any case that these three days of internship "did him good at morale"."It's not punitive, it wakes up good things in us."The young man was sentenced in June 2018, after a "fight that went very far" with his partner, he breathes, refusing to say more.

According to him, at the end of a long period of reciprocal psychological violence."In the relationship, it's me dominated," he said."But what I have retained from this internship is that in case of argument, you have to step back, go away, and then talk about it later, once it is falling."

"When I arrive here, I admit, I was skeptical," said a probationary, who presents himself as a business manager."What I found the most interesting is the transition to children, when we are explained the consequences of domestic violence on their development. We were also given the number of women's murders every year, it's coldin the back !"

His neighbor is more skeptical."I'm not a violent person," he said.Before explaining:

How to in the future prevent an argument in the future bursts into violence?He would have liked to have more practical advice."We were entitled to an analysis, but not to directives," he regrets.

End of the internship, the group separates."Good luck for the future!" Says someone in the cantonade."Follow -up is not over," said Valérie Roca, penitentiary integration and probation counselor.Each of these men will continue to meet an integration and probation penitentiary advisor each month.Some may also be integrated into a recurrence prevention program over six months, with in -depth work on the reasons for taking action."We sow seeds, which can take time to germinate, slips Valérie Roca." But we are not magicians ... "

*The first name has been changed

Go further